Image: “Unreported: Learning to LIVE free” Author Veera Mahajan; Photo Credit: Michael Cimorelli, all rights reserved.
Tricks Revealed that Abusers Use to Control Victims: "Unreported" Author Veera Mahajan Explains in Exclusive Interview Here:
When you are giving an abuser a chance to improve, you are not saying it's OK to hurt you once in a while. If they continue to hurt you, you have to separate yourself from your abuser.”
— Veera Mahajan, Author; "UNREPORTED: Learning to LIVE free"
MALIBU, CALIFORNIA, USA, January 15, 2019 /EINPresswire.com/ — About Veera Mahajan
Author, Mediator, and Public Speaker; Veera Mahajan is one of Malibu’s most esteemed community leaders. Author of the critically acclaimed book “Unreported: Learning to LIVE free," about recognizing and overcoming domestic abuse and stopping domestic violence, Veera Mahajan is also a highly praised Educator, Mediator, and Publisher.
Veera did an exclusive interview with The Hollywood Sentinel recently, and the following is an excerpt of that highly valuable, important and educational discussion, concerning how to avoid the tricks many abusers may use to control their victims.
Veera Mahajan; Exclusive Interview, Courtesy of The Hollywood Sentinel:
Q: What are some of the tricks, phrases, or games an abuser may try to use to get their victim to stay, or not report them? How can one overcome this?
Signs to look for as detailed by "UNREPORTED" author Veera Mahajan, are the following:
–Abusers may beg you for forgiveness
–Abusers may try to buy your love back with gifts
–Abusers may shower you with praise
–Abusers may then hurt you physically or emotionally all over again
Veera: Once they know that you bought their excuses and you are back, they will turn back to the same perpetrator that they were. This is called the "cycle of abuse" or "honeymoon period." It happens again.
You have to look for patterns. If the behavior is not changing for good and keeps coming back, see that as the pattern–and run. It is not going to get better. They are only nice when they want to be forgiven, but they are not capable of maintaining the good behavior. You have to stop accepting the apologies, and see them for who they are, and figure out how to separate yourself from them. Believe that you deserve better and say "no" to abuse!
Q: Great advice. How can a person stuck in an abusive situation most quickly and effectively gain more self-esteem?
Veera: Financial independence is very important to gain more self-esteem and freedom from an abusive situation. The best way to be financially independent is to educate yourself so you can create a job or business so you can take care of yourself and your children if you have any. Education and financial independence puts you on a path to freedom. When you are free from abusive people and situations, and are responsible for your own self, then you are not depending on someone else for your daily livelihood, and you slowly start feeling good and proud of yourself. The more independent you are, the more confident you feel. The more confident you are, the more you gain self-esteem.
Q: Excellent. Is it possible to forgive ourselves and love ourselves fully if we cannot forgive those who have abused us? What if a person does not know how or feels they are not able to forgive the person or persons who abused them? What should they do?
Veera: Loving ourselves and forgiving ourselves for accepting abuse from others is the only way to move forward and have a better future. Forgiving others without loving ourselves is the worst thing we can do. That is what most of us do though. We keep forgiving others for hurting us and since we don’t love ourselves, we keep allowing them to hurt us again and that is how we continue to live in abusive situations.
You cannot rush the forgiveness. Focus on loving yourself one day. One kind deed toward yourself will help you love yourself. Pretend that you do, and tell yourself everyday that you love yourself. One morning when you will look in the mirror and tell yourself, “I love myself,” you will believe yourself and smile. Once you believe that you love yourself and are happy with yourself, hating someone else will not be important.
One day, you will realize that the abuser is living their own journey where he or she had a horrible job to hurt you but they were not able to break you. You love yourself enough to not waste any more time on people who hurt you. Don’t let them take space in your mind rent-free. They are not worth it, they don’t deserve it. If it takes forgiving them to move on and enjoy your life, then you do that. Forgiving them is not for them; you don’t even have to tell them. Just do it and put them in the past where they belong. Leave them behind and go into your wonderful, beautiful, loving life!
Q: Great. People can change and become better. So what if one's abuser is trying to change and be a better person, and making improvements, but they are not improving fast enough? Should the person still leave or give them a chance? How does one balance and weigh forgiveness, and allowance for growth, versus being fed-up and giving up?
Veera: Every situation is different. It depends on your unique situation and relationship. If you still want to give the relationship a chance, and you see real effort and progress, then it may be worth giving them a chance, but make sure they know that while they are working on themselves to be better, they do not get a free-pass to be mean to you every so often and expect it to be okay with you. When you are giving them a chance to improve, you are not saying, it is okay to hurt you once in a while. If they continue to hurt you, and you have given them enough chances, you have to separate yourself from your abuser. You have to love and respect yourself, and not compromise that for anyone. Your first and most important job is self-care.
Q: That's great advice. Thank you.
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Source: EIN Presswire